Cash In As A Couple: How To Get On The Same Page About Money

If you’re feeling like you’re not on the same financial page as your partner, or you don’t understand your partner’s financial habits, you’re not alone. More than 3 in 5 Americans (62 percent) in committed relationships keep at least some of their money separate from one another, according to Bankrate’s Financial Infidelity Survey. Separate finances can make it challenging to plan together.

The good news? With the right approach, your finances can become a source of connection instead of conflict.

Enter CRUSH: the five-step process my husband and I use every month to align our money mindset, build wealth and reach our goals together. It’s helped us save enough to retire in our forties, and we teach other couples how to do the same.

Whether you’re just starting out or already earning more as a couple, this approach will help you take intentional, values-based action (and prevent your next money argument). Here’s how to CRUSH your money goals as a team.

C: Curate your accounts together

It’s hard to make smart decisions together if you don’t both have access to the full financial picture. Start with the facts: What do you have, and where do you have it? Curating your accounts means getting organized and deciding how you’ll manage your obligations and assets.

Ask yourselves:

• What types of accounts do we have? (checking, savings, credit cards, loans, investments)
• What accounts do we need?
• What structure works best for us: joint, separate or a hybrid?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but you do need to agree on how to share or divide financial responsibility. Lay everything out in a way that allows you to get the full picture at once. This could be a simple spreadsheet or an app that automatically tracks your net worth.

My husband and I decided to have a joint checking account and a joint brokerage account, but maintain separate savings and retirement accounts. This helped us consolidate the total number of accounts we had to manage.

R: Reverse into independence individually, and as a couple

This might sound counterintuitive, but financial independence within a relationship can make the partnership stronger. Instead of assuming one partner will handle everything or defaulting to traditional roles, ask: How can we support each other’s independence?

That could look like:

Yes, you can have a joint checking account and individual financial aspirations. The goal is to reverse the idea that independence and togetherness are opposites. Independence supports a thriving relationship, especially when it’s done with mutual respect. When each person is stronger, the couple is stronger.

U: Understand your net worth (and how to grow it)

Too many couples only focus on income and monthly budgets, but not on their joint or individual net worth. This is the figure that truly shows your financial health, and I’m always surprised by how many couples don’t know this number at all.

It’s the total of what you own (assets) minus what you owe (liabilities).

Sit down together to calculate your combined net worth. Then make it a habit to check in quarterly to track how it grows. To grow your net worth together, divide financial responsibilities based on each partner’s strengths. For example:

S: Spend intentionally (with survive, revive and strive)

Overspending is a budget killer. Bankrate’s Financial Infidelity Survey found that 33 percent of Americans in committed relationships have spent or are spending more money than their spouse or partner would be okay with.

The challenge with traditional budgeting is that it can feel restrictive or confusing, especially when you want to coordinate two people’s spending habits.

That’s why I recommend my 3-bucket budgeting approach: Survive, Revive and Strive. It’s a simple and values-driven way to organize your spending, and it’s slightly more focused on saving than the 50/30/20 budget.

• Survive (50% of monthly income): Your essential expenses, such as rent or mortgage, groceries, utilities and insurance
• Revive (25% of monthly income): Spending that recharges and supports your lifestyle, like travel, meeting friends and hobbies
• Strive (25% of monthly income): Money for your future dreams, including investing, saving for a home, starting a business or taking a sabbatical

H: Heal your money wounds with patience

Most of us carry ideas about money from our childhood, past relationships or cultural upbringing that shape how we think, spend and save. And odds are that not all of those experiences with money were positive.

To build true financial intimacy, you’ll need to unpack those money wounds together. My husband and I both grew up in immigrant Filipino families, but despite our similar cultural backgrounds, we grew up with many differences that shaped our views.

His mom was the breadwinner, while my father was the primary provider. He grew up in the rural South, and I was raised in the heart of New York City. He is the second of three children, and my father had seven children in his first marriage and two in his second.

Those differences created different, and often contradictory, money beliefs that we didn’t hash out until many years into our marriage.

This step can bring up a lot of emotions, so go slow and be patient. We journal our answers together, and we’ve worked with a couple’s counselor when things felt tense.

Final thoughts: The real relationship flex is mutual financial freedom

Money can be one of the most stressful factors in a relationship, but it doesn’t have to be. Reaching your financial goals can strengthen your partnership if you don’t leave it to chance and generational trauma. When both people in a relationship feel seen, heard and included in the financial journey, you’re no longer just managing money. You’re building a future together with pooled versus competing resources.

I often work with couples where one person leads and the other follows. Instead, I encourage you to create a shared vision where both of you feel empowered to contribute, grow and support one another on the path to mutual financial freedom.

Start with just one step.

Choose a letter in CRUSH to explore together this month at your next money date. The more you communicate and collaborate, the stronger your relationship — and your finances — will become.